Speaking Freely

"Hello, my name is Stupie(?) Deegunt(?) and I like to see The Sound of Music the other day at the Argile Theatre in London's West End. The tickets were £30 each and I very much enjoyed the show but why I enjoyed them was ruined by this stupid fat lady sitting behind me, rustling her plastic bag of sweets noisily throughout the entire bloody second half. Why oh why oh why do theatres sell sweets in such noisy bags? Cinemas do the same thing. If you're going to give gluttons sweets please supply them in noiseless bags not these bloody fire crackers that sound like, I don't know but it sound like golf balls landing on a tin roof. It's, it's horrible. Please get rid of these bags. This is Stupie(?) Deegant(?) from Milford in Surrey. Thank you. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

"Hello? This is Tom from Kent. I want to make a complaint about my local doctor surgery if that's ok. I went in there yesterday to get a check up which I'm perfectly entitled to do, I have paid my taxes after all and the receptionist was incredibly bloody rude to me. She shouted, Dr Cutler has asked me not to except any more appointments for you Mr Gunt(?). You have now had 10 prostate invalidations(?) in 10 days, her finger has been up your bottom so many times it doesn't bear thinking about it. Your prostate is fine Mr Gunt(?), do not come back. I wouldn't mind if she shouted this out in front of everyone else in the reception room. It was totally humiliating, not except. I'll be writing to my MP. Thank you very much, I hope this doctors are reading this and they take appropriate action against this receptionist. Thank you. Bye."

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Speaking Freely

"Hello, this is Sarah and I work in Soho in London. I went for a walk at lunch time yesterday and I went to another street and I was on Glass House Street. There's a great big shop with a great big Union Jack on it saying British Sex Shop. Now I don't know about you but I'm not sure Patrick ___ comes in to it when you try the market porn. Does anyone really care who's booms they're looking at? I mean, who goes to this Sex Shop? Daily mail readers and torry(?) MP's? It just seems such a weird thing, British Sex Shop, oh I must go there, don't wanna go to the foreign porn shops. Anyway, thank you very much. My name is Sarah and I live in, work in Soho in Bordwick(?) Street. Ok, bye."

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