There are millions of things to do in this country.
There's so much fun to be had.
So many life affirming experiences.
So many memorable days that, in years to come, you will cherish with your family and friends.
And all that stands between you and happiness is Inertia Travel Solutions, in Partnership with Brutish Rail.
So why don't you let us take you, granny and the kids to the countryside?
Or maybe you'd enjoy a day at the races?
This month, Brutish Rail in Partnership with Inertia Travel Solutions 247, is offering a fantastic family excursion to the races at Epsdown Park.
Here's what you can expect.
With the minimum of fuss, one of our automated ticket machines will sell you a ticket for Nowheresville Station, which is a short bus ride from Epdown Park.
On your journey, out friendly inspectors will scour the train, looking for anyone who wasn't familiar with our ticket machine's complex operating system. Remember, if you board a train without a valid ticket, you will be subject to a £10 fine. Yes, even if our staff have all taken the day off sick.
On arrival at Nowheresville Station, a friendly announcer will inform you of the latest diversions in place. The train will then proceed on to Epsdown Park station, which is actually nowhere near the race course.
At Epsdown Park station, there will be a replacement bus service, ready to whisk you safely back to Nowheresville Station. For health and safety reasons, we will be unable to stop the bus to let passengers off, even as it edges, in by inch, agohisinlgy past the entrance to Epsdown Race course.
Finally, you will arrive at Nowheresville Station, which is a brisk 20 minute hike from Epsdown Race course.
Enjoy your day out.
And remember, failure to have a valid ticket will result in a £10 fine, and assaults on our staff are unacceptable and will result in prosecution.
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
Monday, 22 October 2007
Who are we?
Who are we?
Inertia
formerly Inertia Equity Partnership, formerly Inertia Trains in partnership with Fare Queue Solutions, formerly Brutish Rail
Motto: Delivering ongoing train solutions in rail time.
Customer Pledge: Don't complain and we won't explain
Our customer service strategy: Fair Queue
Our ticket refund strategy: Fair Cough
Envy of the World is the online customer magazine of Inertia Trains
Thank you for traveling with Inertia.
We are delighted you endure our services.
Your compliance is valuable to us.
Inertia
formerly Inertia Equity Partnership, formerly Inertia Trains in partnership with Fare Queue Solutions, formerly Brutish Rail
Motto: Delivering ongoing train solutions in rail time.
Customer Pledge: Don't complain and we won't explain
Our customer service strategy: Fair Queue
Our ticket refund strategy: Fair Cough
Envy of the World is the online customer magazine of Inertia Trains
Thank you for traveling with Inertia.
We are delighted you endure our services.
Your compliance is valuable to us.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Welcome to Inertia Travel Solutions
Good Morning.
Or should I say afternoon?*
As you may know, Inertia has won the prestigious franchise to run your rail service.
Who are Inertia? Older readers may remember us from a previous incarnation, Inertia Travel. Some of your may remember when we were Inertia Systems. Before that we were Track Rail in partnership with Fare Queue. And of course, grandad will remember us from the days were were plain old Brutish Rail.
We've come a long way since then. Many of our drivers and support staff have gone, sadly. Those are the commercial realities of today's highly competitive market. But on a happier note, we have added many more brand alignment specialists, and marketing gurus to our team.
Of course, we can't please everyone. We know that. There will always be people who just want to turn up at a railway station and get on a train. There will be people who want their train to arrive exactly at the time mentioned on the timetable. And there will be those, usually people who don't even travel by train, who want to know when we're holding an inquiry into our latest train crash.
Don't feel sorry for us though. We're tough. Never complain, never explain, that is the motto of Inertia travel solutions. We won't listen to complaints. And we certainly won't be explaining ourselves. What would be the point? We have record profits to count. In that respect, we are probably victims of our own success.
Like John Reid, we're prepared to say we'll work 24 bloody hours a day to make this train company work. For you. For your children. And your children's children.
The profits we make are put to good use. We are constantly lobbying the government to get a better deal for our customers, and indeed for ourselves. These negotiations are finally beginning to pay off. Recently, our chairman Lord Sle'aze, was offered one of the finest honours that money can buy.
Inertia Travel Solutions is a world class, fit for purpose transportation solution that is the envy of the world. And I make no apologies for that! This is a tremendous achievement that, going forward, we intend to build on.
Stoopy De Gunt,
director of brand alignment,
Inertia Trains.
(*Inertia Travels Solutions in Partnership would like to apologise for the late running of your service.)
Or should I say afternoon?*
As you may know, Inertia has won the prestigious franchise to run your rail service.
Who are Inertia? Older readers may remember us from a previous incarnation, Inertia Travel. Some of your may remember when we were Inertia Systems. Before that we were Track Rail in partnership with Fare Queue. And of course, grandad will remember us from the days were were plain old Brutish Rail.
We've come a long way since then. Many of our drivers and support staff have gone, sadly. Those are the commercial realities of today's highly competitive market. But on a happier note, we have added many more brand alignment specialists, and marketing gurus to our team.
Of course, we can't please everyone. We know that. There will always be people who just want to turn up at a railway station and get on a train. There will be people who want their train to arrive exactly at the time mentioned on the timetable. And there will be those, usually people who don't even travel by train, who want to know when we're holding an inquiry into our latest train crash.
Don't feel sorry for us though. We're tough. Never complain, never explain, that is the motto of Inertia travel solutions. We won't listen to complaints. And we certainly won't be explaining ourselves. What would be the point? We have record profits to count. In that respect, we are probably victims of our own success.
Like John Reid, we're prepared to say we'll work 24 bloody hours a day to make this train company work. For you. For your children. And your children's children.
The profits we make are put to good use. We are constantly lobbying the government to get a better deal for our customers, and indeed for ourselves. These negotiations are finally beginning to pay off. Recently, our chairman Lord Sle'aze, was offered one of the finest honours that money can buy.
Inertia Travel Solutions is a world class, fit for purpose transportation solution that is the envy of the world. And I make no apologies for that! This is a tremendous achievement that, going forward, we intend to build on.
Stoopy De Gunt,
director of brand alignment,
Inertia Trains.
(*Inertia Travels Solutions in Partnership would like to apologise for the late running of your service.)
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