Bad Service? Tell us about it!

Ten Things You Didn't Know About IT salesmen, by The Man Who Knows

2010-04-20T02:33:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed how slippery IT salesmen are?
They make estate agents look honest.
At least you can understand estate agent jargon. It men just speak gibberish.

I intend to lift the lid on the seedy world of the IT salesman.

Watch this space.
I intend to expose the sordid deals that take place in the IT channel, identifying the whole criminal network of IT salesman, distributors and resellers.

The tricks, the scams, the grey marketing plans, the people trafficing and poaching,
the dodgy leads, the intelligence gathering and CIO stalking.

The phoney head hunter job interviews that are just a front for gathering information about your company, so they can sell more to you.

Look out, too, for the 7 IT Industry Secrets THEY don't want CIOs to know.

Speaking Freely "Hello yes I want to complain..."

2010-04-18T01:53:00.001-07:00

"Hello yes I want to complain about service at Talkies(?) in Kipperton(?). Can you please well my name is Derek and I live in Kingston. Thanks. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Corkys Revisited

2010-04-18T01:32:00.000-07:00

I sometimes drop into a bar opposite Waitrose in Surbiton called Corky's.

I'm not sure why they call it Corky's, I don't imagine they sell too much wine.

Still, the manager is a lovely man. He's much friendlier than most landlords, so give him some credit.

Little known fact: Corky's is thought to be named after the character played by Derek Guyler in classic seventies sit-com Sykes, starring Eric Sykes and Hattie Jacques.

The barman in the Victoria in Surbiton

2010-04-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

As a rule, the nicer looking a pub is, the more miserable the staff.

To test this theory, visit the Victoria, a Youngs pub on Victoria Road, in Surbiton.

The main barman there always treats you as if you're the scourge of his life. He makes you feel it's your fault he never got to be a contender.

I'm going to try and sneak a picture of him and post it up here, so you can see what I mean.

Which queue moves fastest in Wilkinson in Kingston?

2010-04-18T00:45:00.000-07:00

When you're in a shop, and there's massive queues at each till, how do you know which to join?

Which till operator is going to be the fastest? Which customers will waste ten minutes fumbling for their purse? Which scanning machine is playing up?

It's anybody's guess.

But here's a hint. Never join a queue where the till operator is a man. Especially not a middle aged man. Especially not a middle aged white man. Or a young white man.

And never join the queue I'm in. It's bound to move like a glacier.

Yesterday was an exception. At Wilkinson in Kingston, I picked a queue with a young asian girl at the till. She made that scanning machine sing like a birdy. The customers flew by. AND she was polite too. And cute.

I wonder if she'd marry me.

Speaking Freely "Good morning this is Pataf(?)..."

2009-09-10T03:31:00.001-07:00

"Good morning this is Pataf(?) calling from BT Dark(?) Solutions from the BT Phone Work Department. The call is to confirm there's one booked entry for the telephone number under ___ name Sierra Chagre(?) the telephone no. is 01517088556. Just so your unable to confirm the letting with you we are publishing in the BT Phone. If this is incorrect please do us a call back on 08000288604. Thank you. Goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely "Hello, this is Amanda in Kingston...."

2009-09-06T03:16:00.001-07:00

"Hello, this is Amanda in Kingston. We went to East Rober(?) restaurant yesterday. It seems to take 45 mins for drinks to arrive in fact they came after the food. Which was a bit annoying because the first thing you when you at the restaurant is to have a drink. So we can sit and relax. I haven't seen people in restaurant ___ like that. I think it's all about ignoring the customer's making themselves look important. I wouldn't mind, but there were many other people in there yesterday. Ok. Thanks a lot. Goodbye"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2009-07-27T23:07:00.001-07:00

"Hello kind just give you this piece of advice. If your going to get your passport renewed at the passport office in Victoria. While awaiting whatever you do, do not go near turf way across it's see Bloody useless the tea was disgusting. The wrote up my sandwich order wrong and then they tried to double bill me. I just spent 10 mins arguing to get my money back don't go there it's waste of time. Thank you."

spoken through SpinVox

Is WH Smith trying to kill its customers?

2009-04-10T23:02:00.001-07:00

It was mildly warm yesterday, with a light drizzle

And yet, WH Smith had its heaters on the Nuclear setting. It was unplesantly hot in thier shop, even when I took my jacket off.

You'd have thought one of the staff might have had the common sense to turn the heat down a bit.

Hang on, what am I saying? Common sense. That's not going to happen is it?

The Ha Ha bar in Kingston

2009-04-10T00:14:00.001-07:00

This could be a great pub. It's right by the river.

But there's something about the drinks there.

The night I went, everyone was complaining. My friend's vodka tasted like water.

We tried Leffe, which tasted insipid.

While we were complaining, another customer came up and said he'd had the same problem.

The barman didn't seem surprised. He just said "Try one of the bottled beers, there won't be a problem with them."

All very odd.

Speaking Freely

2009-03-06T04:18:00.001-08:00

"Hello, this Simon and I live in Kingston. I want to give a special word of thanks to the staff at the Wilkinson at the Kingston. They were 4 massive ___ queues(?) and people waiting to get served. Then the manageress came along and opened up and extra till(?) but she only opened it up it seems to serve one person who was another member of staff. When she bought her tin of snack pot presumably it was her lunch. The manageress then closed down the till(?) and then we all had to carry on waiting. Now that's what I call personalized services. Well done Wilkinson. Thanks for treating your customer like dirt. Thank you."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:46:00.001-08:00

"Hello, my name is Nigel Lig(?) and I want to complain about I was in the hairdressers and all the staff seemed to be gossiping about me quite loudly and they didn't hide the fact that they were sniggering and talking behind their hands. I could hear some certain phrases filtering through like oh you can tell it's a man and look at the hands look at the hands, they're a dead giveaway. How when I go and get my hair cut and styled I don't want people making jokes about me. I think that's not very nice. Anyhow I'll never be going to Hair Associates ever again. Goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:35:00.001-08:00

"Hello, this is Philip from Brighton. I'd like to know who orders the trousers in Mark's and Spencers in Brighton because they obviously don't know the demographics of the British population. There're no trousers in small sizes and no trousers in my size but there's an absolute glut of ___ feathers size 32 waist with 31 length leg. How many people are there with that ___ size. Why did you buy so many pairs of trousers in that size and not more trousers in my size. You obviously don't know what you're doing cos it's stuck with millions or pairs of trousers you don't need and loads of other people who are a disappointed. Can't you get your sums right mate? Goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:30:00.001-08:00

"Hello, this is Dave from Wilson Green. I think I've just created a new world record for getting served at the Tapas Bar in Wilson Green. I went in there, there were three bar staff and only me as a customer and I still had to wait 10 mins to get served. They did everything rather than buy me, pour me a drink. Stacking up glasses, wiping down tables, speaking on the phone. What's wrong with serving the customer? We there ones that put money in there til. You don't get any money by stacking glasses. So sick of bad service in this country. It's Dave from Wilson. Ok. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-12-01T07:26:00.001-08:00

"Hello can you tell me when these new VAT productions are gonna come into place. I went to Greg's today to get some 2 stake bakes I got 2 if you buy 2 you get 5 ___ which is a massive saving. Yeah but the VAT saving doesn't seem to have translate to the shots our ___ be at least a penny(?) off or two penny(?) off, off for stake bake. When's is gonna happen Greg's the public needs to know. Thank you. Goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-10-04T12:46:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Rakesh. I'm phoning from Lemington and I just wanna say how lazy the people are in Blockbuster. I dropped of my film the other day and I took it up to the counter and the bloke oh stick it in that bin for me mate. Thinking how lazy can you get you couldn't even accept the film from me. The people that work in those Blockbusters are so thick, they're like shaved monkeys. Ok goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-10-04T12:43:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Derek. I work for Trading Standards in Kingston and I'm just saying I was very surprised to see that Cracking Pies have gone out of business. The the shop has close down. I suppose we should as a bureaucrat I should be happy with this but do you know I can't help feeling that somebody else will come along and try to run a business in their place. 1 you close 1 down another just springs up. It's a never ending job this one. We're like the police. The SAS I they all in rolled in together. Ok goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-09-23T04:42:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Kevin and I live in Kingston. Just wanted to say well I would like to praise someone for a change. I went to a shop in Kingston called Cracking Pies. I thought it was a really nice establishment. Unfortunately they don't seem to have many customers. So I'm not sure how long they will be in business but I recommend Cracking Pies. It's near Market Square in Kingston and they seem a lot nicer than those people in Gormy's(?) Pastry Shop. Who just a bunch of well ___. Ok. Try Cracking Pies. It won't be around for long. Ok. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-08-05T04:47:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Lucy. I would just like to say my advice is do not buy anything from Laithwaites online unless you want to be bombarded with junk mail for the rest of your life. I've certainly come to regret doing business with them.
And the same goes for Dennis Publishing. How many times do they want to remind me to renew my subscription?
I've done it now, so please fork off!"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-26T05:01:00.001-07:00

"Hello, I'm at Hampton Court open air pool. Just bought a coffee and the stupid woman at the counter kept me waiting 5 mins while she talks about her friend's love life. Then sold me a cup of coffee which was luke warm for £1.50 it was bloody awful bloody awful. Still that's what you get in England unless you complain. Ok. Goodbye"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T07:15:00.001-07:00

"Hello. This is Paul from Milton Keynes. Yeah. If Martin Spenser cares so much about the environment why do they always throw away the food that they don't see rather than sending it off cheapy(?) and giving your customers a bargain? You don't care about the environment you're just making money our of us. Nothing wrong with that but don't give us any cobblers about an environmental concern. You're just lining your pockets. I hope you choke on your 10B bag for life. Goodbye"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T07:12:00.001-07:00

"Hello, this is to the people of Mark and Spencers and you might think you charging us just 10 fee for bank for life the other think you're making 10cents of losing a customer for life. Goodbye"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T05:13:00.003-07:00

"Hello, my name is David Levine and you wanted. I was in Kingston to in Surrey recently in Greg's the bakers can't you get enough to get myself certainly pie. Fight when you get five pence off whoopee. Anyway I was cheering up and look at the sign on the wall and it said only pies about 23 percent beef. Wow that's quality and the sausage rolls only contain 5%. What if the other 95% in that sausage roll what is it? Eyelids thumbnails I'd read to think anyway I still bulking well for Ryan. Ok thank you goodbye"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T05:13:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Louica(?) and I am from Bow in East London and I went over to Kingston on the weekend, I went to a cafe called Paccinos(?) and guess what they had all these phoney handwritten signs on the wall saying things like hey why don't you just chill out and creepy stuff like that. I wouldn't mind if it's all been written by some corporate eless(?) man you know it's just that fake sincerity just makes me wanna puke. Oh give it a rest, will you? We all know you have made it a massive corporation. It's just awful. Ok. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T05:11:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Lindsay. I so tells likes school. Oh we do that. It's 2 in the carpet. Me and my teacher and that's all we do"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-07-22T05:07:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Lucy and I live in Concert County Durham. Now I was in my local Sainsbury's the other day and there's a sign on the wall saying Sainsbury's we are dedicated to customer service and there's another sign saying we are committed to the customer then I saw another sign which said we are looking for retail staff wages £5.95 per hour. Well some commitment to customer service you're making aren't you Mr and Mrs Sainsbury's how terrible"

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T01:33:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Paddy and I live in Tulse Hill. I have a complain about this drug culture in Brickstone(?) are drugs legal or not. If they are what are our rights I bought something off a gentleman at that Brickstone(?) shield on Friday night. When I got at home and unwrapped the cling film it turned out to be a piece of bark not the cannabis I was anticipating now if cannabis is legal surely I am entitled to go and complain to trading standards is cannabis legal or not Wilk Tradings bandits take my complaint seriously or not. I really don't know where we stand on this. My name is Paddy I'm not interested in any of the prices on offer especially not the dildo and I live in Tulse Hill, ok bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T01:14:00.001-07:00

"Hello I was in the pub on standard agreement is it the other day. I forgot the name of the pub anyway Ant and Derek were there alright soon on in to the local serverties(?). They got served before everyone else every time it was disgusting and the whole thing that annoyed everyone here but that Ant bloke but he was with a different woman we were all talking about that not his, not his bird he was with some other piece. He looked very very flirtave(?) anyway he's only stayed for a couple of drinks then they buggered off thank goodness for that so we could all get served again. Ok my name is Ken I live at Ternal(?) Green. Ok bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T01:06:00.000-07:00

"Hello my name is Ken and I live in Chiswick Turnen(?) Green in Chiswick. I want to a Pub on th weekend right down by the river on Chiswick near Q Bridge anyway, first of all they rip us off ___ one of those bells and beers was nearly a fiver and we got a packet of crisps and guess how much they got £1.35 for a packet of bloody crisps it's just ___ if that was not bad enough the barman kept serving the local celebrities and bloody deck first before everyone else, why are they treated like God's they're a pair of bloody midgets telephone con man they make sick. Ok my name is Ken I live at Esmond Road on Turnen(?) Green and I'll take any prise you've got ok bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T00:43:00.001-07:00

"Hi I want to complain about the people who run the evening classes at servicing adult education centre. I was denied a place on a course, just because I was the only man applying and they said it was inappropriate and I think this is discrimination. If you need to be told it was the beginners course in cancan dancing and it's servicing servicing in adult education centre. My name David and I live in Newbury Kingston. Thank you, bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-26T00:21:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Peter Pitchens(?) and I live at Coven Garden. I want to complain that the BBC spends millions of pounds of our money on this ridiculous charade known as the Euro Vision Song Contest. It's never gonna be won by a UK entrant and the whole thing is now skewed in favour of all the backward countries. It is so parotial(?) that they will only ever vote for their neighbours. It's pointless. Why are we spending our tax money, which could be used for so many worthier causes to pay for this ridiculous two hour insert for ___ should be outside building our extensions? Well that's it, I've got that off my chest. My name is Peter and I'm phoning from Coven Garden. Our whole country is going to the dogs. Thank you, goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-25T23:57:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Brett and I am from the North Island in New Zealand. I'm here on holiday and just shooting the shit and stuff. Yeah, I went to the South Bank yesterday and went to a bar right by the river, said it was a Latin bar. Do you know, all they sold was San Miguel. That stuff's piss. Just rubbish and I couldn't not believe the fucking price. What an unbelievable rip off, so I had a beer and then we got out. Went somewhere else. Just unbelievable. This is Brett from Alligan Kensal Green. Ok bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-25T23:56:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Carron and I am from Christchurch New Zealand. What is it with this bloody weather? It's ruined my bank holiday. I wanted to go and see the London Eye and it's fucking chucking it down. What is it with England? Can't you organise anything? You're shat, this is Carron from Christchurch New Zealand and I live in Acton at the Captain Cook Pub at the moment. Goodbye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-25T23:47:00.001-07:00

"Hello my name is Martin. I'm a Jordi but I live in Twickenham. I want to give some advice to people who run Abby Nestall(?) in Twickenham. If you want us to serve ourselves, try putting some pens out on the desk and some forms first to fill in then you can go back and hide behind your counter and we can do our own work and file our own cheques. Put the pens on the desk in the morning. Put the pay in envelopes out on the desk in the morning. Come on it's not rocket science, is it? This is Martin I live at Spains(?) Road. Thank you bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-25T23:43:00.001-07:00

"Hello this is Everton, I'm phoning from Tethington(?), I just wanted to say, I saw a very funny notice the other day outside Tethington(?) station. Someone had put up a blue plack(?) it said in memory of of two ton Ted, born in Tethington(?) 1950 Very funny. I noticed it got taken down a couple days later, so the train people obviously have no sense of humour my name is Everton, I'm phoning from Wools Grave Road in Tethington(?). Thank you."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-05-25T23:42:00.001-07:00

"Hello this is Peter. I'm phoning from Clarkin Junction. Why is it that is Mark's and Spencer in Clarkin Junction, they charge you for plastic bags? If Markson Spencer is so worried about the environment why do they prefer to put their sandwiches into lands fell rather than sell them off cheaply and give us all at bargain. When the food get snared it's sell by date. Mark's and Spencer doesn't give a fig about the environment. They're just finding a new way to taxes. When they start giving us bargains on sell by date food then I'll begin to believe them. Thank you. This is Peter. I'm phoning from Clarkin North and I'm moaning about Mark's and Spencer in Clarkin Junction. Thank you."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-04-17T11:27:00.001-07:00

"Hello, my name is Stupie(?) Deegunt(?) and I like to see The Sound of Music the other day at the Argile Theatre in London's West End. The tickets were £30 each and I very much enjoyed the show but why I enjoyed them was ruined by this stupid fat lady sitting behind me, rustling her plastic bag of sweets noisily throughout the entire bloody second half. Why oh why oh why do theatres sell sweets in such noisy bags? Cinemas do the same thing. If you're going to give gluttons sweets please supply them in noiseless bags not these bloody fire crackers that sound like, I don't know but it sound like golf balls landing on a tin roof. It's, it's horrible. Please get rid of these bags. This is Stupie(?) Deegant(?) from Milford in Surrey. Thank you. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-04-05T02:09:00.001-07:00

"Hello? This is Tom from Kent. I want to make a complaint about my local doctor surgery if that's ok. I went in there yesterday to get a check up which I'm perfectly entitled to do, I have paid my taxes after all and the receptionist was incredibly bloody rude to me. She shouted, Dr Cutler has asked me not to except any more appointments for you Mr Gunt(?). You have now had 10 prostate invalidations(?) in 10 days, her finger has been up your bottom so many times it doesn't bear thinking about it. Your prostate is fine Mr Gunt(?), do not come back. I wouldn't mind if she shouted this out in front of everyone else in the reception room. It was totally humiliating, not except. I'll be writing to my MP. Thank you very much, I hope this doctors are reading this and they take appropriate action against this receptionist. Thank you. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2008-04-05T02:02:00.001-07:00

"Hello, this is Sarah and I work in Soho in London. I went for a walk at lunch time yesterday and I went to another street and I was on Glass House Street. There's a great big shop with a great big Union Jack on it saying British Sex Shop. Now I don't know about you but I'm not sure Patrick ___ comes in to it when you try the market porn. Does anyone really care who's booms they're looking at? I mean, who goes to this Sex Shop? Daily mail readers and torry(?) MP's? It just seems such a weird thing, British Sex Shop, oh I must go there, don't wanna go to the foreign porn shops. Anyway, thank you very much. My name is Sarah and I live in, work in Soho in Bordwick(?) Street. Ok, bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Speaking Freely

2007-12-31T02:16:00.001-08:00

"Hello, I went to Don Luis Cafe and Kingston and I bought a cup of tea and I noticed there was a little tips box next to the Till. How much tip should I give when a man gives me a cup of hot water with a tea bag floating in it and just says to me, milk and sugars over there mate. How much work do we actually do there, and what's the appropriate tip. Can anyone help me. Thanks. This is Dave from Hampton Wick. Thank you. Bye."

spoken through SpinVox

Spin-my-Blog Post

2007-11-23T01:42:00.001-08:00

Hello, this is a message to the girl on the makeup counter on at Boots in Clapham Junction. Try and blend in your lip liner, darling you look like a transvestite. This is Lavinia from Bassey. Bye.